Chapter 25

I smile at him while getting the bread out of the oven and then putting the tomatoes and lettuce on the sandwich.  I put them both on a plate and cut them in half.  Adding some bread and butter pickles the a plate and walked toward the dining room table.  “Can you get us some water babe?”

“Sure hon.” He grabbed two glasses and filled them up with water walking back over to the table.

“So what did you make us?”

“Its something we called a Slim Jim in Upper Michigan, I think its really just a hot ham and cheese.”

He took a bite of it and smiled, “Damn honey this works for me. That sandwich spread is delish.”

“Its something mom did when I was younger.”

He hadn’t had a lot of conversations with me about my past he wanted to let me come to him but he took the opening. “So tell me about your mom honey.”

“she was the best human being I’ve ever known in my life.”

“was?” He asked, sad instantly for me. He knows how much his mom means to him.

“yes, she died 6 years ago this coming July. Heart attack.  That was the worst day of my entire life.”

He instantly moved to his knees by me and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry babe, I can’t imagine the pain you went through.”

I bent down and kissed him softly.  “She taught me how to be independent and strong and how to love the world around me.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman, I wish I could have met her.”

“I wish I had 1 more second with her, one more I love you, one more hug.” I tell him honestly with water filling my eyes but not spilling.

“OH baby I didn’t mean to bring up something to make you sad.” He kissed me softly.

“No, its all good Jon. I’m getting better talking about her, I’ll always miss her but I think knowing how love truly feels will help me commit fully when I feel that again.”

He moved to sit back in his chair, he finished the last of his sandwich.  “What about the rest of your family?”

“I know this is going to sound odd, but the rest are also dead.  My dad died when I was little, no brothers or sisters and all my aunts and uncles are also gone.  I’ve got cousins but that’s it.”

“Oh damn baby, that explains so much.”

“Like what?”

“How strong but yet fragile you are.  How you want a relationship but aren’t willing to settle.  You’ve been hurt but you’re trying desperately to put that behind you and start fresh.  I get it now.”

“So what does that tell you about me?”

“It tells me that I have to be true in my actions with you because you aren’t the type to give your heart away easily.  You might however give your body away too easily?” He somehow picked up.

“Body isn’t quite as shattered as my heart has been over the years.” I admit.

“Thats not nice hon, to know you’d do me but not give me your heart?”

“Jon you can’t say that every woman you’ve had sex with is someone you’ve loved?”

“No I can’t, but I can tell you that for 30 years that was the case, its actually better that way than careless sex.”

“I agree, thats why I’m so particular about condoms and all that Jon.  I’ve had sex with very few guys, I care about them or love them or I just make out and walk away.”

“So are you telling me you want to walk away or you care about me?” He asked feeling like he knows the answer but he wanted to hear it anyway.