Chapter 26

“I care about you of course.” I tell him softly. He then gets up and holds his hand down to me.  I take it and stand up moving effortlessly into his open arms.  He dances softly with me, to music only he hears.  

“You make me want to be the man you need.  What is it about you that makes me want to show you the world and show you what its like when a man truly truly loves a woman?” He asks softly as he kissed my forehead gently.

“Maybe its the mirror I’m holding up to show you exactly how fucked up someone’s life can get and you see how charmed yours is.”

“No, babe, everyone has their own journey in this world.  I know I’ve had a horseshoe up my ass since birth, I think its just because you want it so much.  You want love and sex and the commitment that comes with it when its right,  and most of all you come at it honestly.  You aren’t asking me for more than I can give, you are giving me things I want like football and more time with my kids and you don’t seem to even begrudge me the 30 year relationship I fucked up.”

“Well see there’s your mistake Jon.  One person can not fuck a relationship up on their own.  It takes talent and skill on both sides.  Just like it takes two people to create a loving relationship it takes both to disassemble it.”

“See that’s what I mean though.  You have such a clear view of what you want to say. I like that, a lot.” He softly kissed me while we were still dancing.  Before too long he took my hand and walked me to my bedroom.  I got a bit nervous as we walked into the room.  He could tell that either in my breathing or the grip of my hand but either way he stopped and took me in his arms again right inside the door.  “Nothing, absolutely nothing will happen without your consent.  You need to make the decision here I’m not going to say no but I want you just as comfortable with this as I am. Sex is natural in a healthy relationship, when our relationship takes that step is your decision, once we start having sex I’m going to want it regularly but I’m not going to push you into something you’re not ready for.”

I kiss him and then walk into the bathroom.  He smiled knowing I needed a moment and went and curled up in my cuddle chair in the corner by the window.  When I came out of the bathroom I looked for him and then saw him in my chair.  “Come here beautiful.” He smiled and pulled me down into the chair with him.  Because of the shape of it we were very close and I was on 80% on top of him.  His lips found mine in a desperate kiss. “Are you good? Do you know what you want to have happen?” He asked and I kissed him again.

“Yep.”

He laughed, “You gonna clue me in?”