Chapter 38

While we're in the Hamptons in October Jon sat down and pulled out my tablet and let me show him bits and pieces of what I want for the wedding. We rent a small barn style local place that we can hold the reception in. The wedding will be at a small church down the road.

He loves that I'm finding things to enjoy about it - finding cute little different things to do at the wedding that seem non traditional so it doesn't hurt as much.

"So baby we're just going to celebrate the winter and our love huh? What are the sparklers for?"

"I think we should use them instead of rice.  Like when we leave to go on our Honeymoon people can light our way with the sparklers."

"Oh I like that. You are very creative my sexy fiancee."

I show Jon my idea about making the table runners for dessert to be s’mores.

"We're not having a wedding cake?"

"Well I'm thinking about that, wedding cakes seem traditional and s'mores seem fun."

"yes but s'mores are messy and you'll be wearing a white wedding dress what if you get some on you?"

"Then you'll have to take my clothes off me. That will be sad, very sad."

"Yes very." he smirked. Then he looked at a picture, "What's that?"

It was a sign that said "two lives become one today, pick a seat not a side".

"I thought since I won't have a huge amount of family there I don't want a bride side and a groom side at the wedding.  This way its merging."

"I love that honey, you are so good at this, you sure you don't want to plan weddings for a career?" He ran his hand on my thigh.

"Are you high?"

"No, you're just good at pulling things in that will make someone smile not cry. I haven't seen anything that seems traditional but yet it all seems perfectly romantic."

"Oh I need to get in touch with your mom."

"She'll love that, what do you need her for?"

"instead of a million flowers when its cold out and they won't last I'm going to do more candles and pictures as decorations instead."

He pulled me into his lap for kisses.  "Tell me more."

"Well instead of a traditional guestbook I was thinking of leaving them paper and having them write messages to us and put them in a big mason jar. You know message in a bottle type concept."

"That is alright."

"You do not like that one huh?"

"Not quite got another option?"

"Well the other options is we get a cork board and a bunch of postcards - every state or country or something or other and they write messages on the post cards and tack them up."

"OH that I like, especially since we travel so much."

"We can get all kinds of best wishes kinds of cards so they can give us their thoughts while at the reception then on the plane to wherever our honeymoon is we can write out thank you cards."

"I think that might work but I’m not so sure I want to work on our honeymoon babe." Jon smiled.  "I'm interested babe in how you want our wedding so tell me and show me everything you have."

I laughed at that. "Jon you've already seen everything I have."

"Oh you're such a sas." He tickled me and kissed me on the neck.

"No I'm not I'm serious.  So there's lots of cool things I found we could do at the wedding that will just be flippant and fun and not necessary needed."

"Baby the beauty of wedding is its all about you and I.  So anything that you want as long as my three needs are met I'm all for."

"Jon I saw this thing about filling a room with white balloons and taking a picture in them."

"Oh do it babe, that sounds so wonderful. I'd like that picture in my wallet."

"Jon why are you giving me free reign? Why are you being so wonderful about all this?”

"Because honey I get it, I get that your wedding since you lost your dad has been a pain point not a place of joy or happiness. I get that my little girl has talked about her dream wedding since she was 5 and how she would be a princess and I would make sure the guy that married her was worthy, you never had that right because you knew your daddy was gone.  Then when you're world crashed and burned everything changed again a wedding became something you would not want - just because of the pain it would be to remind you of what you don't have rather than what you do have.  To hear you express any kind of joy in the idea of our wedding makes me say yes - yes to anything that makes you happy about the day.  If that means our day is filled with silliness and over the topness then so be it. Its our day and the only people that have to be happy about it are us.”

I smile at him and I feel tremendous love. I know then and there that no matter what, he is going to do anything in his power forever more to make me smile and make me happy.