Chapter 40

Chapter 40

"Baby?" Jon asked her in late January.

"Yeah hon?" She ask him walking into the room from the kitchen.

"How do you want to reflect your parents at the wedding?"

"What?" I ask rather stunned that he brought it up.  He had been as focused as I was on making sure this whole experience was a happy one for me and not something that would make me want to claw my eyes out from the tears and the constant pain of the reminder of what I will never have.

Jon instantly realized this was a tender spot for me, so instead of backing away he took a different approach. "I know you don't want tradition but honey I want to do something. I’m getting kind of jipped at this wedding too. I’m supposed to be able to have this heart to heart with your dad and ask for your hand in marriage and be scared of the reaction I get and have to answer some tough questions from him.  I’m supposed to have to charm your mom and show her that I love you beyond a shadow of a doubt. I didn’t get that and I know you do not get the parts of wedding girls dream of normally,  I want to represent them there somehow. Without those two people falling in love I would not have you.  I need to know that they know I am going to vow to love, cherish, honor and protect you with my life.  Forever."

I sit down on the couch and put my legs in his lap tears flowing freely at how huge his heart is and how comforting it is to not  have to figure this out. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well I have a few ideas. Tell me if you like any of them.  First one: We can honor them in the invitation." He shows me on his tablet some invitations he saved that reflect deceased parents.  "or we can do something at the ceremony which is what I would prefer."

"What are you wanting to do during the ceremony?"

"Well there are a few things, we can include a moment of silence during the ceremony to honor them.  You can lay a flower from your bouquet on two empty spots in the front pew where your parents  should be.  We can toast them at the reception and the big thing that I want to talk to you about is I think we should get a memorial marker at the house for them, because their graves are in Michigan. I think there should be somewhere on the property that symbolizes them and a place you can go to talk to them.  I was thinking though if we got that soon, then in March you could lay your bouquet at it as a tribute?" He asked and I can tell he's truly trying to make me ok with this but equally he wants there to be something that talks about where I come from.

"Jon no matter what honey they won't be there.  They are in heaven with all of my family and I am here to find my own way."  The tears can’t be forced back any longer.

He held my hand stronger and rubbed his finger over my cheek catching some of the tears. “But in your heart of hearts do you think they will be watching on that day as you take my name?”

“Well yeah, its only fair you took my heart I get your name.” She smirked.

“Brat, ok I’m ordering the invites I want cross that off your list.” He closed the topic, he could tell this was one of those trigger points for her that would cause her to cry over the wedding instead of be happy about her future so he decided he wouldn’t put that task on her. “I’ll let you know what we’re doing at the rehearsal dinner but not before, its no longer on your plate.”

He could at that point let the topic keep floating anxiously in the air and stay in her head,  instead he thought it was time to give her something he had made for her. "I have a present for you and I'm going to give it to you now rather than wait for the wedding because I don't want you to cry then."  He moved my legs from his lap and went and got a huge 11x14 framed picture.

"I hope you like it baby, its something I heard you say one night when you were dreaming so I hope it was an honest wish."

"What did you do?"

"Look."

With that I unwrapped the picture that was actually a pencil drawing that blew me away.  "Jon? How?"  I had tears instantly running down my face at the fact he had a picture drawn of me, my mom and dad, Jasper and Butch our old dog.

I never had a picture that looked anything like the me I can recognize and my parents.  Since he passed away so early in life all my pictures were from when I was a toddler.  This one is of me, easily around age 42-43 with my parents both in it. Mom and Dad look to be the same age and I'm with them and my puppies. "Jon, this is so beautiful how did you get this done?"

"Tim knows someone who draws, really well.  Well that person happens to love U2 and I got her back stage passes and front row tickets and she did this for me.  I told her that you never had a picture of your family, not current anyway and she did this one.”  

After a good 20 minutes of looking at it in shock I tell him, “I read something Jon that I could have photo charms made of my parents and tie them into my bouquet. So they could be at the wedding but not the focal point.”

"I don't know if I would want you to put them in your bouquet because you might throw that or it might accidentally get left somewhere during the reception.  But I do love the idea of you having those charms, what if we put them on a necklace or even somehow sewed a spot for them to be on your dress or even in a bracelet you could wear?"

"I really can not believe that you enjoy planning this wedding with me?"

"Babe what I enjoy is seeing you smile, I know this is hard for you so I am not about to make you do this alone.  If I can give input that will help you and make this our wedding not just yours then that is what I want to do."

"Knowing that means that I can have confidence in the thought that we have a great start to our lives as a married couple.  This is something I feared, that I would have to plan everything myself and just get more and more depressed the more I had to plan."

"I am glad I'm here to help you and honestly babe I kind of like giving my opinion on stuff because I was never asked the first time I got married. I was told when to show up and say I do.  I like knowing what I am entering into."

"So would my dress having blue in it be an issue, do you want it to be all white or just a wedding dress?"

"I thought all wedding dresses were all white?"

"Nope you can put any color you want in them, see this one isn't one I'm going to get but I just want to show you." She handed him her tablet that had a white and red wedding dress.  The majority of it is white but there is red on both sides of the rib cage and red around the bottom.

"If its an accent color I think it looks cool. I'd kind of like the front of your dress to be white in the majority but another color wouldn't be so bad."

"What are your favorite colors Jon. You wear a lot of bright blue and red"

"Actually I think my favorite colors are royal blue or royal purple you know those really rich shades?"

"Like this?" I'd show him a dress in royal blue.

"Nope even deeper."

I smile at him, "I've said that a few times to you."

"Smart ass, I'll give you deeper in a little while." He ran his hand on my thigh as we looked at dresses and finally he found one he liked.

"That color blue." After I favorited it I start looking for purple and eventually we find one that he likes.

"Why are you saving them?"

"Just because." I smile and kiss him.

"you are such a brat." He grabbed me and wrestled with me on the bed for a good twenty minutes, kissing me every few moments and his hand came up under my shirt to carefully caress my breast.

"You aren't even upset you just wanted to feel me up."

"Well yeah, I love your body you know that." He smiled without any hesitation.

"I love that you're so honest about stuff."

"I honestly want to make love to you, honest enough for you?" He smirked.

"Yes, come here." I pull him to me and we proceed to find pleasure in one another's arms.

Over the next few weeks we work through many of the remaining details of the wedding and I get my bridesmaids confirmed, we get invitations out and soon it is the big day.

I kiss Jon the night before and he goes to leave and I won't let go.  

"We aren't doing tradition remember? I say we start a tradition that says we always sleep together."

"I would love to baby but this is one tradition I want to keep, I want to be surprised with you in your wedding dress and besides, if I stay here I will end up making love to you and I'm not supposed to do that within 48 hrs of becoming your husband."  

I kiss him, "Who told you these lies?"

"My kids." He laughed and gave me a slow deep kiss. "I love you Serena Darden and I can't wait until I can change that last name of yours permanently."

"You are so lucky I love the way you kiss.  I'll meet you tomorrow at 11."

"Yeah I'll be the one at the end of the aisle smiling like a damn fool cos I'm the luckiest man on earth getting the most beautiful woman I know inside and out to marry me." Jon kissed her one more time as a single man and patted her on the butt before he walked out of the house to go stay at his parents for the night. He hated not holding her all night but some things about the wedding he was insisting on and this was one of them.